Panic back or heart attack?

Well, not heart attack maybe but I don’t feel well. I have lain down horizontal twice this evening and both times had heart palpitating feelings.
Don’t feel great. Trying to remember if the panic attacks felt like this.

Mental Health Hotline

Bloody answering machine.
Left message with absolute confidence I will not receive a call back..
This is the 0203 313 5661

What a woman really means

This is in response to all the guff about men who are so-called ‘players’ that I hear.

Women play just as many   if not more , games then men are are far more dishonest when it comes to dating. They are certainly far more friends and calculating and , as Cary Grant once said (ok , in a film) the idea that women are the romantic sex is total nonsense and men are actually far more romantic. Just consider the kind of questions and probing that goes on between men and women. Women want to know what kind of work, what kind of car a man has and if he owns his own house very early on. Men on the other hand are singularly uninterested in such details. It makes no difference to him if the woman he is seeing is renting or if his prospective date is a secretary or a CEO.
I first noticed this years ago when a student and used to frequent ‘townie’ pubs and bars. Almost invariably, the first question , after being asked what one did for a living was ‘what car d’ya drive?’ Wow. So many petrol heads, I thought to myself…
I usually lied about the job because being a student got you nowhere 😉
Of course , the car question was just another way of  finding out about financial status.

In my experience, a woman on a dating site or in real life when she says she is ‘separated’ , this invariably means she is wanting a virtual fling or bit of excitement. She is in no way truly ‘separated’. Some infidelity or other failing will be cited, together with an assurance that there is no chance of reconciliation with said hubby. They will of course still be sharing the same house ‘until the divorce comes through’ etc.
If they have social media accounts they won’t be real ones but aliases. Various explanations will be given, sometimes ‘I want to keep my private life private’ other times ‘I don’t want my ex to know who I’m seeing ‘ etc etc etc. ‘he’s jealous, he can make life difficult’ etc.
All this , in my experience, will be lies to cover up the fact that she is still very much married and that husband, or more likely boyfriend, has no idea that he is ‘separated’!

I am writing this to counterbalance the rubbish that is often propagated (by women) about ‘men are liars’ or ‘these men on dating sites are all liars’. And to justify the use of such books as The Game to counteract books such as The Rules.
Of course , some men are up to the same tricks as women , but the difference is that men make very poor, easily found out,  liars compared to the women who lie.
Some tell-tale signs are txts not replied to at certain times and sudden unavailability at holidays and some weekends. Having two phones ‘one is a work phone’ is another indicator.

What am I doing?

What am I doing trying to run a Business? I am a performer not a Business man type. I didn’t grow up interested at all.

Plea for contact

BC has been trying to contact me for a while (well 2 or 3 days) saying sorry for the day she swore and shouted at me in front of her flatmate.

Now she wants contact because she has a problem with debt collectors over her phone.  I feel bad for her and want to help but I need to break off properly. We’ve been through all this before. Interesting that she wants contact now she has a problem she wants my help with. However, doing that in front of a flatmate is unforgiveable.

This is a destructive relationship. She never particularly wants to help me out when I need it. And if she does it’s after a lot of complaints.

So no, no contact. 8 missed calls from her today. No doubt she will start turning up at the door soon.

Another drama

My ‘ex’ has taken herself to the seaside to learn how to drive. I might have known it would end in disaster. I am ‘housesitting’ – which means I am living here for a week escaping the mess of my own flat.

lost phone search

Been up since midnight/
bought food i ate in park past
decide to go to baker st but by time i get there its closed of course – a classic …
retire to Witherspoons to write this

Finally back in

i have been wanting to update this blog for a while but have been hampered by not being able to get in.
GF only here for one more week then going home sat 😦

The Vault of Horror (1973)

This has Terry-Thomas and Tom Baker.

Remarkable because the Terry-Thomas portion is just like me and some girlfriends, particulalry the last one. She ‘tidies up’ which means I can’t actually find anything. Terry-Thomas does things a certain way and his new wife doesn’t appreciate that.

ADD means that you need for things NOT to be moved from their usual places. OR that you have vague notions where things are ; when people ‘tidy’ or put stuff away without telling you, you can spend HOURS looking sometimes. I;m sure it’s done with the best of intentions…

I am cured

I am cured of my anxiety. Symptoms went a while ago and I no longer have fear of new situations/meeting new ppl /situations.