Quick post which I will come back to. GF booked a flight to Scandanavia for the holidays. I am invited as well but am finding it difficult to face the flight. I don’t like flying anyway but especially from Stansted and on a budget flight is claustrophobia hell which could well lead to a panic attack. Last time before the panic attacks started was bad enough, I was tense the whole time. I really want to go for a break from this place but fear that as soon as I book the ticket I will be tense/anxious the whole time and so won’t enjoy the lead up to Christmas. The whole airport anxity thing is made far worse by the shitty time people have at airports in the UK. I’m wondering if we still have the ridiculous clear plastic bag rule. Nothing mentioned on the airline website.
Plus I’ve been feeling faint/dizzy which may or may not be related to the aching pain emanating from my testicles (or specifically left testicle). I hope this is just another anxiety symptom. I’m fearing cancer or a strangulated testicle (which is extremely painful and can result in loss of testicle!) and haven’t ‘examined’ myself yet (something I never do anyway). I’m dreading going to the Dr over this one. He probably already thinks I’m a hypo I’ve been that often recently. However if the aching pain doesn’t go soon I shall be forced to go. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist this week so may discuss it then.
My nerves were getting better but have been coming back, Sleep hygiene dreadful. Sleeping all day. Major work disappointment has sent me into a fug of depression. So I need that holiday.
Oh, and another brown envelope came today, just in time for Christmas! No doubt more shit news.
