Yesterday was a fairly good day. Managed to go the whole day out shopping. Got a bit disoriented but got through it and recovered and felt OK. Bought a nice jacket and Hackett rugby shirt. Bought a replacement Freeview box for the TV. Got it home; it’s OK but doesn’t give my old-but-good Ferguson TV proper widescreen like the old-but-crap Alba freeview box did. So the Woollies box has to go back.
Later at home I crasged quite early around 9ish. This is bad news as Iwoke up again at 12:30-1am. Watched some TV - stayed for King of The Hill. Went back to bed around 5pm but couldn’t get back to sleep despite getting close. At the critical point sort of ’started’ awake feeling a bit dizzy/weird. Weird half asleep thoughts but didn’t drift off. So I got up this am with only a few hours sleep.
Now I have bad stomach nerves anxiety. Pit of the stomach stuff like a tight feeling combined with a bit of lump-in-throat. Quite tense and because of lck of sleep today will be difficult Christmas-shopping wise.
Trip abroad looking doubtful. I had talked myslf round to going with gf but now there is a strike on the 7th Jan (the day we were due to fly back). No real info on what contingency plans will be and it will be worse for me stuck at an airport or having to make decisions when I’m stressed anyway from flying. The 6th is more expensive and the day after might still be disrupted so may cancel the whole thing. Wouldn’t want to travel different day from my gf anyway.
I’m now stuck at that place where I feel shit but I’m not tired enough to go back to sleep for a few hours
and I’m too tired to go out with gf Christmas shopping. She has already gone out and I’m facing having to take Freeview box back, pick out a present for her (she’s refusing to name anything she wants) and decide if I should go ahead and book flight out anyway knowing return may be a nightmare, I wanted to build up the flying like I didi with getting out throught CBT; journey not against the clock just around tube network to get used to it. So I would want the first flight to be ahasle-free affair otherwise I;ll just associate flying with stress/panic even more.
Hope this stomach goes away soon. Had quite a few moments of despair over last week and one day of hell a few days ago.
