doc Martin and panic attacks

Caught  the annoyingly watchable Doc Martin long enough to see the storyline…Doc Martin has  a blood phobia and suffers panic attacks at the sight of it… (haemophobia)

Don’t know how realistic is how (would a Dr even start medical training if they had such a phobia? How likely would it be to develop? The fictional Doc was a surgeon)

I did ask an Air stewarsd recently if he’d known any flight staff develop a fear of flying. He knew of one case where a fellow steward NEVER flew on their offtime ie didn’t take advantage of very cheap flights available. When questioned , he was a bit touchy on the subject. And transferred to ground staff.

Still watching…now one of the mother’s is getting an anxiety attack after hearing her son has had an accident. Hyperventilating, calling for water etc…

I don’t remember PAs being portrayed on screen or maybe they just didn’tregister before…

Sunday Panic Attack hangover

I slept for a couple of hours after the PA lastnight but woke at 3am and stayed up.

I was on soneone’s couch so couldnt really sleep. In the am I had the use of a bed but the room was too noisy and bright from the road (why do people have flimsy  blinds which let all the light in?).

Anyway I slept til 3 or 4pm nicely rested. Completely against the principles of sleep hygiene…

Went for a nice walk by a canal.

Still have that ‘black cloud hanging at the edges’. The feeling that the blackness is hovering, just waiting to pounce and that anything might bring it on.

I’m still under stress from business worries and responsibility.

New dread

Terrible time tonight whilst watching film (Reign of Fire). Great movie. I watched it round at friend’s house. Suddenlyhalf hour from the end strated feeling strange. I had planned to go home on the bus. I’m sure subject matter didnt help (fear, dragons, death) Would I get this if it had been a comedy. Lately I am stressed though and feel ‘tired’ often like my whole body is tired and achey even though I’ve done nothing physical.

Buzzing feeling in head. I immediately thought of what I had eaten (as I always do) Some beers a good while aho, some chocolate pudding, cup of decaf tea (was it really de-caf?). Disorienation followed.

Nothing was working, I concluded it must be a Panic Attack but as usual it felt different, like it wasn;t ‘panic’ per se . Reminded me of when it first happened (2?) years ago.

Everything seemed ‘echo-y’ things friend said seemed to echo in my consciousness a few seconds later like I delayed processing.

Yawning constantly. I didnt watch the end of film. tried to sleep. Very tired very quickly because of exhaustion (heart racing etc) PAs usually make me v.tired so it gave me some reassurance that it was a PA rather than my usual assumption of food/drink being spiked.

EXTREMELY unpleasant. Luckily I di go to sleep and woke a couple hours later normalised.

It’s now 3am ish.

Someone told me (and I also read somewhere) that TV watching affect sleep even if it doesnt actually eat into your sleep time. Alos I know TV watching late at nigt is bad but this is when they put all the good films on and I havent got a DVD recorder. Musr get one and refuse TV – also PC – after 9pm?

Thought of Linden and Barry method but egging on the PA didnt seem to work, nor did trying to do maths , using higher brain function to override Amygdala (sp) baser brain function. Couldn’t think straight enough to think of anything to do .

Also wsn’t inclined to jump up and down eating apples, I think the weirdness of that would have freaked me out even more than I was!

What helped was just going to sleep aided by the tiredness, getting unconsciousness asap

This rturn of the shit is a setback. Is more to follow.

Elusive Queen Mab

Jesus WordPress is slow, does everyone blog at night?

Anyway I’m up because of an unsuccessful attempt at sleep earlier. I was nodding off in front of the TV watching Following Sean so decided to abandon viewing and make for the bed. Of course as soon as I got into bed I woke up (as is often the case. Got up to do one of my other blogs, put on Nick Drake on Last FM then read some of his life story and got depressed/head dizzy/hot. Must be the reference to clinical depression and suicide. had a terribly night last night. Anxiety attacks which I thought was going to last all night. Reminded me of the first major panic attack which started it all off. Will transcribe the notes I jotted down in the journal. Just a mixture of high anxiety, confusion, queasiness and despair. Kept thinking ‘I will get through this’ but doubting it all the while. Scribbled down this too shall pass as it’s a phrase which has helped before. Te combination of physical symptoms such as nausea and dizziness with mental feelings of despair is a killer. I will add the notes in a different colour so they will stand out as additions.

Find Dimitri From Paris instead and up pops Un woman Paradis which I instantly recognise and takes me back to happier times. My favourite track is probably Une Very Stylish Fille