I haven’t been blogging regularly but have been keeping my paper journal fairly up-to-date. In practice this means I write when I’m feeling stressed/anxious. Saturday night we (gf and her sister) went for an Indian to a local restaurant I
haven’t been to before. In fact I haven’t been to any restaurants for quite a while.
Wasa bit anxious before I went, but again this boils down to ‘what if?’ thought, ie the fear of fear. The fear of having a panic attack. Or maybe the fear of just feeling bad. Constantly self-monitoring. Was OK but still I didn’t drink so the enjoyment was a bit stilted given that my companions didn’t particularly enjoy their meals. Gf had a beer into the meal. I realise drinking is part of the relaxing process of going out. Certainly if someone had said a year or so ago that wouldn’t be allowed to drink when I went out this would be seen as a great hardship. Now, I voluntarily don’t drink as I’m afraid of the possibility of panic attack or just weird , panicky thoughts.
I wonder if this is a common experience around drinking? My first counsellor told me
she had a client who had ’cured’ his panic attacks by having a couple of bottles of wine a day to ’relax’ him! Most people who have panic attacks report/anxiety that drinking makes them worse at first until they get plastered. I don’t fancy the in-between stages.
Sunday night. Dark, cold and windy.
