Gas meter chomping through £20s

Gas ran out today. Hasn’t been doing anything for days/weeks. No hot water, no heating virtually no cooking so it must be all recLAIMING THE DEBT. iT IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS @£6 A WEEK. Fucking stupid caps lock. Switches on at will.

Took video of my attempt to switch on ‘Emergency Cedot’ of £5. Something wrong with this meter but of course all I have is a phone number to report complaint which will be stonewalled. whe i leave which will hopefully be soon I will write to them saying I am not going to put any more money into the meter until they have sorted out the fault. This will take them at least 6 months to action. I will write to gas Ombudsman if I can be arsed.

Shall I buy a Mac?

Exhausted last night.  Kept up chatting to Swedish girl who wasnt free til very late. Should have gone to bed early but of course didnt like a moth to flame

Went to Park to write email sin Starbucks. A Vento with an extra shot expresso then later a decaf.

Felt odd on bus to Westfield. Hyper-focusing. Was it too much coffee? My usual paranoia about food/drink intake.

Toothache left lower canine. i probably need a root canal or something   equally horrendous. I should be spending mullah on a good dentist not contemplating a grands worth of Power MacBook. Procrastination on the dental fron – I don’t trust dentists. Mac provides a positive self-stroke or just retail therapy

Good news o housing front. A phone call means I may have a bright future in a flat near mine.

Exercise, Adrenaline, Sugar and ADD

ADD/Anxiety relevant excerpts taken from http://www.causeof.org/adrenal.htm#WhatIs

Sugar

• “Some persons are more sugar sensitive than others, and children may be more sensitive than adults.
• A study comparing the sugar response in children and adults showed that the adrenaline levels in childrenremained ten times higher than normal for up to five hours after a test dose of sugar.
• Studies have also shown that some children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) react to glucose intolerance tests with a dip to low blood sugar levels.
• High adrenaline levels or low blood sugar levels produce abnormal behavior.”

AskDrSears.com: Family Nutrition: Sugar

• “Regular physical exercise is a simple and effective means of reducing stress.
• Physical exercise is the outlet for the body when its infight or flight state.
• Exercise releases [gets rid of] the natural chemicals such as adrenalin that accumulate during stress.
• Exercise relieves:
• Exercise increases alertness and concentration
• Exercise reduces skeletal muscle tension and helps people to feel more relaxed
• Exercise leads to more rapid metabolism of excess adrenaline and thyroxin in the bloodstream, in other words it reduces the hormones which increase arousal.
• Exercise allows people to discharge their frustrationswhich can aggravate phobias or panic reactions.
• Exercise helps you to feel good by stimulating the production of endorphins & exercise increases yourenergy level“

• Chronic muscle tension,
• Reduces insomnia,
• Decreases depression and
• Anxiety

Anxiety Treatment Australia: Treatment Options: Exercise

The 6 month mark

Staggered to the end of a pretty dire week. Stress and anxiety levels pretty high.

I just want to ’stop the world I want to get off’ ! Have realised I should nevr have taken on the Manager job for a business I knew little about. My former girlfriend – who begged for a job – has been pretty hopeless which just adds to the pressure on me.

I always seen to end up in these awkward disaster-prone situations. People try and take advantage of the fact that I am enthusiastic and never-say-die. In fact this wek I felt very ‘die’ and just wanted to walk away as i have been advised by several friends and family.

I used to start the day feeling dreadful and then gradually improve throughout the day til I was positively enthusaiastuc by the end of the day. Now I am just miserable and anxiety-ridden throughout. It’s because there are potentially serious consequences to what I am doing.

I sunbathed today to try and relax. Didn’t work since I am unhappy with what my illness has done to my body.

Eternal memory of the spotless film

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Excellent film that showed Jim Carrey could actually act as opposed to just clown around with bizarro faces/voices. The film is intriguing; makes you think. Deals with relationships Jim Carrey and Kate Winslett play a couple who’s spark has goneout of their relationship therefore they both decide to erase each other from their memories…

25 ways to relieve anxiety

http://www.stop-anxiety-panic-attack.com/blog/25-ways-to-relieve-anxiety

Gas trouble

No, not stomach!

Pissed off as yet again my gas meter has run out. Getting a pre-pay meter was one of the worst decisions ever. I’m feeding this fucker £20 every few days

God knows what rate it’s set out. i complained and was given yet another phone number to ring.

I had a pre-pay because i’m crap with bills and general household admin so it was supposed to be one way to make my life less conplicated./

However, it’s summer now. I don’t have the heating on and the water only rarely. Same with cooking . So why is it gobbling up £20?

Some prog on Good Morning Tv (ITC I think) said people were being charged too much, what to do later in the Prog etc but by that time I had gone to bed.

The meter was suppose dto cause me less stress. Now, the fact that its obviously got something wrong with it is causing MORE stress.

I will have to keep some kind of accurate record as to what gas units Im using and how much Im spending. The best easiest way is probably to stick the receipts for the topUps on the noticeboard or staple them direct to the boiler cupboard door so they cant be missed/lost. and write in pen next to them/on the receipts what the meter reading was.

Business and stress

Today the business which has been faltering got a hammer blow. This is a relief in a way because I have been trying to find a way out. It’s been tempting because I don’t have new job enterprise to go to apart from back to graphics.

I’ve realised a few things in the wake of this failure. Maybe I should have got out earlier and this would have left me richer! However the business I was managing  provided a regular income and the possibilityof me taking it over properly. It’s difficult to get a perspective and those you confide in often have a far better insight. You think they haven’t grasped the complexities but you don’t need complexities to see if something is a ‘yay!’ or a ‘nay!’

I blame myself for some things that went wrong but in reality it was a pretty impossible situation. If I had taken over the business earlier with a company of my own then I would be facing mega responsibilities of premises, leases etc.

I can no longer carry on without trying medication for ADD. Many of my shortcomings running the business were directly attributable to ADD (Unable to complete paperwork, procrastination,  poor follow-through) would I have been able to make it succeed if I had been able to concentrate more, to focus, to plan?

There is something that I read on an ADD forum recently that convinces me that I can no longer carry on without trying the ‘meds’ route. I’m not going to find a magic way of organising things – the ADD Holy Grail – that will just be revealed and make it all just so…

Many people with ADD / ADHD have difficulty with working memory. They may have difficulty with recall, focusing, organization, and distinguishing between important and unimportant cues. They may distract easily, become forgetful, or have difficulty getting started on tasks. Lengthy multiple step directions are often frustrating and impossible to follow.

From http://add.about.com/od/researchstudies/a/workingmemory.htm

The end of an era

Have decided to give up business or rather running someone else’s business which was going to turn into my business (management buy out)

Prompted by the return of stress symptoms such as mega am headaches.

Also I will reduce stimulation or over stimulation

• No nighttime TV
• No working late/small hours
• No caffeine (incl hot chocolate)
• Bed by 12am or at least 1am
• More reading
• EXERCISE every day

Spark! Exercise for anxiety depression and ADD

if you have ADD and have a penchant for going into narratives instead of getting to the point,

Yes, that rings a bell! From a review on Amazon for

The Disorganized Mind: Coaching Your ADHD Brain to Take Control of Your Time, Tasks, and Talents