New Year Misery

3am and just so miserable. No panic attacks , just that feeling that i have wasted my life.

Crap

Not sure if last post went up , I shall keep posting on this piece of crap until it does

Black Dog

I am heading for some kind of breakdown again,  that’s what it feels like. The black fog that descend, is not being a cured by trips out into town.

Pay parking fine

1 Pay parking fine Sun, 10/16/2011

Suicide Watch

Last night I had someone break down and start crying on the phone. She repeated that she wAnted to die . I think the main problem is that she has withdrawn from a lot of medication quite quickly; ADD mess as well as antianxiety drugs and the usual gamut of drugs that lot of Americans seem to take…in my experience they are either obsessed by wholefoods and wont even take a paracetamol or pill-munching.

My friend on the phone does have a realistic attitude but now no longer has health insurance so even the ADD stuff by itself is expensive.

I will finish this when I’ve had some sleep and recovered.

I feel much better now, I really do

Well, not MUCH better but not at death’s door.
I am having a bath and reading…

Panic back or heart attack?

Well, not heart attack maybe but I don’t feel well. I have lain down horizontal twice this evening and both times had heart palpitating feelings.
Don’t feel great. Trying to remember if the panic attacks felt like this.

Mental Health Hotline

Bloody answering machine.
Left message with absolute confidence I will not receive a call back..
This is the 0203 313 5661

What a woman really means

This is in response to all the guff about men who are so-called ‘players’ that I hear.

Women play just as many   if not more , games then men are are far more dishonest when it comes to dating. They are certainly far more friends and calculating and , as Cary Grant once said (ok , in a film) the idea that women are the romantic sex is total nonsense and men are actually far more romantic. Just consider the kind of questions and probing that goes on between men and women. Women want to know what kind of work, what kind of car a man has and if he owns his own house very early on. Men on the other hand are singularly Togo uninterested in such details. It makes no difference to him if the woman he is seeing is renting or if his prospective date is a secretary or a CEO.
I first noticed this years bin when a student and used to frequent ‘townie’ pubs and bars. Almost invariably, the first question , after being asked what one did for a living was ‘what car d’ya drive?’ Wow. So many petrol heads, I thought to myself…
I usually lied about the job because being a student got you nowhere
Of course , the car question was just another way of  finding out about financial status.

In my experience, a woman on a dating site or in real life when she says she is ‘separated’ , this invariably means she is wanting a virtual fling or bit of excitement. She is in no way truly ‘separated’. Some infidelity or other failing will be cited, together with an assurance that there is no chance of reconciliation with said hubby. They will of course still be sharing the same house ‘until the divorce comes through’ etc.
If they have social media accounts they won’t be real ones but aliases. Various explanations will be given, sometimes ‘I want to keep my private life private’ other times ‘I don’t want my ex to know who I’m seeing ‘ etc etc etc. ‘he’s jealous, he can make life difficult’ etc.
All this , in my experience, will be lies to cover up the fact that she is still very much married and that husband, or more likely boyfriend, has no idea that he is ‘separated’!

I am writing this to counterbalance the rubbish that is often propagated (by women) about ‘men are liars’ or ‘these men on dating sites are all liars’. And to justify the use of such books as The Game to counteract books such as The Rules.
Of course , some men are and some are up to the same tricks as women , but the difference is that men make very poor, easily found out,  liars compared to the women who lie.
Some tell-tale signs are txts not replied to at certain times and sudden unavailability at holidays and some weekends. Having two phones ‘one is a work phone’ is another indicator.

What am I doing?

What am I doing trying to run a Business? I am a performer not a Business man type. I didn’t grow up interested at all.